12/12, 6:15 AM

Every day I rise, thank God that I am alive...

Normally, I try to find a witty way to start off these pieces that I curate. Often times, they are my way to lure you, but this morning, I have nothing, but I have everything. Let me explain. The past few days have been a bit of a whirlwind for me mentally and physically. Conversations that I am having, words being spoken are starting to echo louder.

All of it carries its weight in gold from my perspective. I also am so intune with clarity, that I know it is God and the ancestors speaking to me and allowing me to speak for them. With the most interaction happening on yesterday, 12/11, that word given unto me, was about as heavy as the bricks Pusha T and Malice rapped about on “Hell Hath No Fury”.

Oh, from here on out, I’ve got to realize the power
Of learnin’ to let go, and just let God
Enjoy the ride

I believe in divine timing and alignment. Yesterday was just another normal day, well somewhat normal when you are on the transitional journey back to yourself. I try to attend Jacquie Verbal lives when I have the bandwidth to do so. I have been to a few of the Writing Salons, which have helped me with a few of the pieces I have done so far. I have attended one of her productivity hours also, but I was working and was not truly attentive, but yesterday was different. Something ushered me into that room and space. The energy in the room was different than normal, or maybe my energy was the real change.

For whatever other reason subconsciously I was there for, did not register in my brain, but I know intentionally, I was there to show gratitude by thanking her for sharing my latest writing and to share with her how, in her gracious moment of reading and sharing, it spoke to and scared the shit out of me. I woke up Wednesday morning at 3:00, because of what I thought was just negligent proper sleep on my part, to what I later discovered shortly after that and even more so during the Productivity Hour, that those wee hours of 3-5 AM are the times when God and ancestors were trying to communicate with me and wanted my undivided attention.

I checked my notifications and saw that the piece I wrote had been shared to her cultivated publication, BLACKSTACK, which to me is one of the most important, beautiful, and powerful, spaces on Substack. A piece that I literally wrote with a heart full of emotions and no real strategy behind it, was seen and felt by others. Once I saw her include me on the latest, Black Reads issue, I had a moment of oh SHIT! In a moment of transparency, going through a divorce, opens your mind and heart to things that were pushed underneath the surface. I used to write/blog all the time before I dated my ex-Wife, and did a little bit here and there in different mediums like sports and music. As you progress in your relationship, sometimes you forget the things that you used to do and tell yourself, “I’ll get back to it later”.

Once the hell that was 2024, hit me, I started writing again after discovering Substack and Blackstack, specifically. It didn’t take long to get back in the swing of things, but as luck would have it, procrastination got a hold of my ass again. Fortunately, for me I got inspired by Ebanē Marquice publication and her “No Skips Club”, which has been a joy to be apart of and which lead me to The Music Directory crafted by Shante, whose mind is just as marvelous as her musical acumen and insight to Erin Ashley and her Notes from Erin publication and podcast that she so eloquently and thoughtfully curates.

Going back to the productivity hour and as it was coming to a close, Jacquie, does her thing, which I am not saying, you just have to show up to see it for yourself, IYKYK. She spoke to me yesterday during her final segment, as if she had a hidden camera in my mind, heart, and my apartment. Like how in the hell did she figure this shit out, but it was also in that moment, I realized she was speaking to through a higher, powerful source. She was being used as a vessel to get me to truly listen and take the little signs and words uttered prior to heart. I thanked her for the messaging and shared my revelation with her. It was at that moment too, I realized it is time to stop running from my calling.

“Oh, I swam for miles, only to realize the current
Is fightin’ against me and I’m so tired, floatin’ now” - J. Cole

I woke up this morning at 6:15 AM, with a busy mind and a heavy heart. Only for me to notice a slight tear. I thought to myself, I know my allergies are bad but this is getting outta hand. What felt very innocent, was actually me immersed in grief and emotion, that I have avoided processing. It wasn’t until that first tear fell, is when I remembered the most important word spoken to me yesterday, flow. So that is what I did, literally I let it all flow out and submerged myself it like taking a swim in the ocean, connecting ancestrally to water and allowed it to wash over me. Take away all of the sorrow, pity, and doubt, to rise from it renewed. I made the decision to put forth the time and energy to write, with purpose. As I develop this publication, I ask for patience because you know, life has to be lived and experienced, but trust I will share information, wisdom, and some opinions deliberately. It feels good to know your purpose, but it is even more rewarding to live it.